If I'm going to get on a real honest level with you guys, I'm going to share some details about my life that might help someone else going through something similar, as uncomfortable or embarrassing as they may be for me.. because I'm here for YOU.
I'll start with the biggest and most difficult change...
March was probably the hardest month of my life. My husband decided he wants a divorce. In our nearly 9 1/2 years, he's never been the one to want to end things. We have had our major ups and downs over the course of our relationship and I've presented divorce in the past, a couple times - as well as did all the breaking up when we were dating. Anyways, it was the most devastating words I ever heard come from his mouth. He's my best friend. We grew up together and we've experienced SOOOO much in our decade side by side. The reasons are foolish and selfish and I won't elaborate on those parts, HOWEVER, while I don't believe this is the right decision, I can't force him to stay.
I've been having to fight SO hard to keep my mental health in check. If you follow my social media posts, you'll know that I just celebrated ONE YEAR depression free. I haven't been depression free since I was 12 years old and younger. Crazy, right?!
I think God was ultimately preparing my mental health for this. Of course, he knew Ryan would make this decision and he knew how I would have handled this if I was depressed. I was suicidal over smaller things, so I can only imagine what I would have done if my mental health was shot during all this. I'm quite proud of myself for how I'm getting through this.
Another great thing since being in a better state of mind and taking all the steps in bettering my life, is that I'm also down 21.5 pounds from my heaviest weight, which I was at AGAIN at the end of January/beginning of February. I was fluctuating so much between September and start of this year. I've been pretty consistent though the last several months. 6 pounds until I'm under 200!! I haven't been UNDER 200 since like 2011. 200 was the lowest I got in 2013/2014 when I had lost 20 pounds after having my son in 2013. It was the number I just couldn't break no matter what I tried and I ended up falling deeper into depression and gained it all back. Gosh, its so crazy to think of the person I was for 11 years. That depression affected my life in such a variety of ways over the years. I'm so thankful that's not me anymore.
I really have Beachbody to thank for all the positive changes. My team keeps me on track with reading/listening to personal development, talking as a family in our community in uplifting and encouraging way, keeping me in check with maintaining a more healthy lifestyle - nutrition AND exercise. I honestly believe that had I not been connected with Beachbody, I'd still be struggling majorly.
As far as my finances are going, this divorce obviously is turning me into a single income individual and unfortunately, as much as I wish I was more of a successful Beachbody coach in the business aspect, I don't make enough to support myself and my two kids in the Portland Metro. I recently started a new job for Costco, which I'm extremely blessed to have gotten. I was 1 of 17 hired out of over 1,000 applicants!! They aren't doing anymore hiring, so I got in at the right time. They pay well and have amazing benefits, including for part timers! They were also super recently listed in Forbes as the #1 company to work for!! That's so reassuring for me during this difficult time. I also am soon to be a Lyft driver, which I'm looking forward to because I LOVE people and it will be so great to interact with all sorts of riders!My recent DECLARATION (previous blog post) is still mostly relevant and I believe that I will have what I need in life and get what I work hard for! I know that God is for me and I trust in His plan for my life, even when its confusing or I don't realize its what I need at the time. I'm not all knowing. I'm only human.
I want to thank those who have been here for me since the beginning, but especially during this time of positive and negative change. Mostly, my best friend, who is my rock the majority of days. I don't know what I'd do without her. As someone who pushed people away and CHOSE solidarity, I'm sure glad I met her and decided to open my heart up to her. I consider her and her family as my own and I wouldn't be the person I am today without her encouragement, advice, listening ears, hugs and adventures. I'm so thankful for all she's done, especially when she's allowed me to use her vehicle and watch the kids on last second notice/when I have no other options!
Our families have also always been a huge help over the years and I can't be more grateful for all the help they've provided - financially, use of vehicles/giving rides, watching the kids as often as they do and of course, for always encouraging me spiritually and supporting me emotionally. Ryan and I truly have some wonderful people in our families and they truly treat us as such. I know not everyone is as blessed and I try not to ever take it for granted!!
I'm incredibly thankful for the small small handful of people I've known for years who are still here for me and take time to communicate with me about life!
Also, I'm blown away at the newer people who have come into my life and taken the time to reach out to me. You never really know what kind of people are in your life until you go through something challenging and you get to see who cares for you and who is willing to give you a little extra time out of their life!
Anyways, this is getting long. I just want to say thanks everyone, for everything! If you plan to continue to follow my "life", I plan to blog more often. I've mostly stepped away from Facebook and don't plan to use it to update, with the exception of photo sharing.
Love you all so much!!
-Morgan
surratt123@gmail.com
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IG: @renegadesociety22
@regallyrenegade
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